Space
By holding space for yourself, you are practicing the ability to do the same for others with greater empathy and presence.
How often do we truly listen? Not to respond. Not to fix. Not to advise—but simply to be there.
Holding space is a gift rarely given yet deeply needed. Holding space means being fully present—free of judgment, agenda, or the need to control the outcome.
Many years ago, I met a friend who needed support, as I sat beside them they unpacked their recent grief, it was real, raw and sad. I had no words that could heal, no wisdom that could rewrite their story. My instinct was to fill the silence, to offer advice, to make it better. But something held me back, likely that I was genuinely lost for words on what they shared. Instead, I sat. Quietly. Fully.
As the minutes went by, I noticed the space between us began to fill—not with answers but with trust. My presence, though small, became a container for their pain, allowing them to unfold without fear of being judged or rushed. In that moment, I realized what holding space truly meant.
To hold space is to cultivate emptiness—not of care, but of ego. Neuroscience reveals that when we feel truly heard without judgment, the brain’s stress-response system relaxes, leading to increased levels of oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” and decreased levels of cortisol, the stress hormone.
This physiological shift fosters healing by creating an environment primed for trust. By entering conversations with an open, non-judgmental mindset, we influence not only our own brain but also the brains of others, encouraging trust signals to prevail over distrust signals, deepening connection and understanding.1
Holding space isn’t passive—it’s active in the deepest way. It asks us to:
Suspend our urge to fix.
Surrender control.
Trust the other’s capacity to navigate their own path.
When we hold space, we are saying ‘I trust you to find your way, and I’ll stand with you while you do.’ The deepest gift you can give is your presence—not to solve, not to save, but simply to hold space for their becoming.
It’s hard to hold space because it demands patience with uncertainty. Our culture often equates love with action: solving problems, giving advice, or making someone happy.
But this approach can unintentionally dismiss the other’s experience. Imagine telling someone in pain to “cheer up” or offering solutions before they’ve been fully heard. These efforts, though well-meaning, close the space rather than expand it.
Holding space challenges us to sit with discomfort—ours and theirs. It requires us to confront our own need for control and to trust in the process of presence.
To master the art of holding space, we must start within. First, learn to hold space for yourself. When emotions arise—anger, sadness, fear—can you sit with them without judgment? Can you let them flow without the need to suppress or fix?
By practicing self-compassion, you build the capacity to extend that same grace to others.
Activity ✍️
Expressive Writing2 is an active practice that allows you to create a safe, judgment-free container for your emotions and thoughts. Through writing, you hold space for yourself, acknowledging and processing what’s within without rushing to fix or suppress it.
Set aside 10 or 20 minutes. Find a quiet space. Bring a notebook or device to write on.
Choose a focus. Think of a challenge, strong emotion, or a unresolved experience. This is your moment to explore it fully.
Write freely. Let your thoughts flow without editing or judgment. Write about how this emotion or experience feels, describe what happened, and what it means. Keep writing, even if your thoughts feel messy.
Honor your story. As you write, notice the emotions or insights that surface. You’re creating a space for your own truth to emerge.
Conclude gently. When the timer ends, reflect on the process. You can reread what you’ve written, destroy it, or set it aside. The value lies in allowing the expression, not in perfecting the outcome.
Why it works
Holds space for healing: Writing offers a space where emotions are free to be expressed without judgment, much like when we hold space for others.
Regulates stress: Research shows that externalizing emotions through writing reduces cortisol, the stress hormone, calming the nervous system.
Fosters self-awareness: The act of writing helps organize thoughts, leading to clarity and deeper understanding of yourself.
Encourages growth: By holding space for your emotions, you create the conditions for healing and personal insight to emerge naturally.
By holding space for yourself, you are practicing the ability to do the same for others with greater empathy and presence. This not only nurtures self-compassion but means offering your presence as a sanctuary—a place where others can share without fear, free from the pressure of solutions or words.
♡ Love note ♡
If you’ve made it this far, thank you. These are personal reflections—born from my own experiences, shared so others might relate. It’s a labor of love and growth. If it resonates, subscribing (it's free), liking and sharing means a lot.● —aj. Warm heart, clear mind & strong spirit.